Finally You Can Pay $800 For Assassin’s Creed - Enemy Slime

Finally You Can Pay $800 For Assassin’s Creed

But just in case, here's a list of what else you can do with 800 bones.


Ubisoft officially made their new Assassin’s Creed known. They listened to the criticism and thoughtful feedback of players and narrowed in on what made the last of their Gen 7 titles so great. High seas antics, ship battles and captaining your own pirate crew. Wait, sorry, that was their other announcement, Skull and Bones. Rather Assassin’s Creed Origins places you in the roll of Ptolemaic era Egyptian assassin Bayek. Bayek, who at a surface glance seems to play exactly like every assassin before him save for the fact he gets a trusty hawk, which seems as though it plays similarly to Ubisoft’s other hit aerial companions, such as the owl from Far Cry Primal and the drone from Watch Dogs 2. Don’t ever let it be said you can teach an old dog new tricks.

Never fear however, Assassin’s Creed Origins comes with a brand new gameplay mechanic. An RNG loot system similar to the kind found in ARPGs. Now if this has your genitals sopping wet, it gets better, there’s an $800 special edition of this title available on Ubisoft’s store and select GameStop locations right now. It comes, similar to other, cheaper Assassin’s Creed special editions, with a statue of the titular Assassin. However that’s not all. You’ll also receive a certificate of ownership that states you are one of the lucky 999 to own an authentic copy of Assassin’s Creed Origins Dawn of the Creed Legendary Collector’s Edition.

Now just in case you’re feeling a bit stingy and believe you could spend that $800 elsewhere, I’ve come up with a list of alternatives. Albeit none as good as a copy of Assassin’s Creed.

A Roundtrip Flight to Egypt
– This will run you between $600 and $700 if you leave tomorrow. Hotel excluded but I’m relatively sure AirBnB can hook you up. If you’re the frugal type you may purchase tickets in Mid-October for an even cheaper deal. Why October? That’s the same date you can get your mitts on Assassin’s Creed Origins.

A Harris Hawk
– For less than the price of a Ubisoft’s collectors edition you can purchase hawk eggs. A single egg will run you about $350 – $400, insurance (a requirement for owning a hawk) roughly $45. Now in legit fairness you must be a licensed falconer before you’re allowed to purchase and own a hawk, and for the first year of training and care that hawk is going to run you 1000 greenbacks. So slightly more expensive than a copy of Assassin’s Creed Origins Collectors Edition. Point: Ubisoft.

Rent a Horse
– For $50 an hour you can rent a horse, to like, ride, in real life.

Archery Classes
– For roughly $50 – $75 you can get yourself a single archery lesson.

Your own Bow
– A standard bow will run you a whopping $300. It won’t be fancy like the one Katniss uses or the one iconic new visceral assassin Bayek carries, so I understand if you want to slow down and put that $300 towards Assassin’s Creed Origins Dawn of the Creed Legendary Edition.

An African Safari
– The Assassin’s Creed Origins trailer shows us a lot of neat animals. Lions, hyenas, cranes. Thing is for an $800 package you can see these animals for real and in person on the continent of Africa. You can even get tanked on these safari tours, included in the price of admission. Getting drunk while owning Assassin’s Creed Origins Dawn of the Creed Legendary comes separate, and you’ll be drinking a lot to forget you purchased Assassin’s Creed Origins Dawn of the Creed Legendary.

Save It
– You could just hold on to your damn $800.